Collected Thoughts

I'm having a mild freak out over my future and how I'll never be able to stop working and I'll be poor forever. I'm middle age I shouldn't be where I am and I know I'm here because of disabilities but it still is frustrating. The department store I work for does 401k matching and I can't afford to contribute anything because the insurance is so expensive. I am looking for another job but the office jobs are all...they want people who can do payroll or it's medical related or some other things I know will be an issue.

I also found out at least 2 of the seasonal people make a dollar more an hour than I do. I'm hoping to have a review soon and get a raise but I think since they know I'm moving/have moved and actively looking they won't.

This job had had intangible benefits with my self esteem so there is that.


I've moved in with the BF. Well partially. It's a work in progress. And neither of us makes a lot of money and the house we live needs work. It's his mom's, and it's been in probate...so it's only officially been his mom's since last month. It's needed work for while and the whole reason why it hasn't been repaired is complicated. But his mom is only disability so she can't pay for repairs. It needs massive amounts of plumbing work. I'm worried. And he doesn't seem to be as worried.


Which makes me wonder if moving in together is a good idea or been having a relationship.

I need to stop freaking out.