Collected Thoughts

raincitygirl has an interesting post and links about depression and meds. Check it out here .

I started to reply and it was so long I just put it up in my lj.

I have bipolar disorder. Misdiagonsised as clinical depression from 15-27. Before I was 15 I showed symptoms of childhood onsent bipolar disorder but it wasn't really diagonsised then and also the psychologists I was seeing (all in the same office) I as seeing between the ages of 10-14 refused to take my problems seriously. As I started to deteriorate around 13 I was told that it was "all in my head" and that if I was a good girl I would stop doing this to my self.

Between 15-27 I was on various antidepressants most got me up, got me going and feeling so well I stopped and then plummeted. Things got really bad around 27. That's when everything fell to pieces and fell to place.

Bipolar disorder. New meds. New side effects. Some of them not great. Like panic attacks ALL THE TIME. Or the weight gain. That I still really haven't taken off.

However since last spring I'm on the same mix of meds. Off and on I need to get on something to help me sleep. I have a life long battle with sleep problems. But I've figured that out.

I figure until my body chemistry changes I'll be on this mix of meds until I need to change. I know I'll be on meds for this always and I'm okay with it. Keeps me sane. Keeps me healthy. Keeps me alive.

I want to say I'm on meds and I'm not sick but that's not really right is it?

It's more.

I don't look it. I don't act it.

And that's why I take them.


Besides after nearly 30 yrs of taking medicine off and on for various ailments and illness and making my parents have to use the same tricks they used for dosing the cat it's second nature. Except I don't like taking multivitamins. Go figure.