Collected Thoughts

Finally, here's the story I wrote for stakebait, unfortunatly it was rushed and I wish I could have spent some more time on it.

Spoilery for the current seasons of Angel and Buffy, and without further ado I give you---





When Faith showed up unexpectedly at Wesley’s door, looking strangely vulnerable, her attitude and swagger worn thin. They left off the small talk and Faith cut to the chase.

"Be my Watcher."

The request stunned him. She refused to explain herself at first, choosing instead to talk about Buffy and the First Evil they'd defeated.

"She was the general, everyone following her. B had to make all the decisions, not that she wanted to. Those girls died, the potentials. Hurt, dying. And Xander..." Faith looked away, unable to finish.

"Everyone looking to her for answers. She’s got to decide who lives and who dies. You think I can do that? Be a general, plan an attack. Hell, B had a hard enough time letting them fight, sending those girls off to their deaths.” Faith shook her head, like she was trying to erase memories. “No one told me shit about Slayers being killed. Or that Buffy died again. Or that Willow tried to end the world. Everyone forgets about the extra Slayer. 'Cause B is the real deal, the original. They don't even remember why I'm doing my time."

He was impatient, there didn’t seem to be reason for this and she looked so unlike Faith. “Do you have a point?”

“Getting there. B died twice. Except there’s just me and her when there should be three. You wonder why that is?”

"There should be three?" Wesley echoed. The story had been going from A to Z and Faith had jumped the track to 3.14.

She moved around his living room restlessly. “It’s the first thing they tell you, well maybe the second…when one Slayer dies another is called. You should know that.”

Realization struck Wesley. “The line goes through you.”

A triumphant look crossed Faith’s face. “Yeah. That’s why I need you, to set things right.” For one horrified moment he thought Faith wanted him to kill Buffy, and then she asked, “You remember why I went to prison? You think anyone except Angel remembers?”

“You went to pay your debt.” Faith was idly toying with books on the shelves.

“Paying my debt to society when it’s not them I owe. My debt is to Buffy, Xander, Angel,” her eyes cut straight to Wesley, “you. Never going to pay that back sitting in jail. Never going to get repaid. Doesn’t do anyone any good. Buffy’s never going to have a life, she’ll die one day. I’ll be locked up tight, growing old, and who’s going to make sure the next Slayer’ll be called? There’s no Council to hire the job out.”

Wesley flinched but Faith didn’t sound bitter.

“I want to put things right. I can’t say anything to make it right or make up for the fact I enjoyed what I did.” She looked pointedly at him and smiled; now she looked like the Faith he remembered from before. “I enjoyed everything. Every cut, every whimper, not just while I did it. I used to dream about you, wake up all hot and sweaty, wet from thinking about the cuts and your blood, the way you looked all tied up.”

Wesley let the silence stretch between them. “I had nightmares. I hated you, for a very long time. Then I would remember what you looked like in the alley, yelling at Angel that you were evil, begging him to believe you. I don’t believe you enjoyed your dreams.” It had taken him this long to catch up to her train of thought, but Wesley thought he'd finally figured out what Faith wanted. He had to hear her say the words, to make it real. “How do you plan to put things right?”

The question seemed to unravel her control. Her attitude frayed at the edges, leaving her looking young and determined with her posturing. “One life for two. My life for theirs, Buffy and whoever comes after. Think it’s a fair trade? Buffy gets to be normal and the other gets to be special. Isn’t that what everyone wants?” She pushed him, moved him against the wall, he could feel her body hot against his. “Everyone wants B to have her life, be the good girl.”

Too many people had tried to goad him into anything for this to work, so he asked her softly, “What do you want?”

She looked as if she’d been undone. “Just once, for once, I want to do the right thing, have it be the right thing.” Words he could have spoken, her dark eyes looking into his, cutting through him. She pushed him into the wall, her hands against his chest.

“This is the right thing.” A question and a reassurance.

Wesley pushed Faith's hands away, flexed his wrist and sent the sheathed knife between her ribs, through her heart. Her head snapped up; she looked shocked and grateful. Wesley held her as his hands slicked with her blood and her eyes grew dim.

The water swirled down the drain, pink-tinged against the white porcelain as Wesley washed his hands again. Looking up, he caught his reflection in mirror and saw a lifetime of good intentions shot to hell. He wondered if this was one more misstep, or if this time he got it right. He shut off the tap and walked back to the living room. Faith lay on the couch; it wasn't possible for him to pretend she was asleep; her clothes were already stiffening with blood. He knelt beside the couch and brushed her tangled hair from her face. He kept at it until her hair was free of tangles; there was nothing he could do about her clothes. The only thing left was to call Angel. He closed her eyes and told her again, “It was the right thing.”

If it wasn't, he’d shoulder the blame. He was her Watcher.

I hope stakebait enjoys it and that it's close to what she hoped for.