Collected Thoughts

There has been talk in my circles about achievement and goals and working toward them, or rather not having Big Life Goals and Ambition.

I have none of that. I've always been mystified by those people who knew what they wanted to do with their lives career wise. Me, I'm not so sure. Okay, yes I'm in school learning a skill, but really, I fell into it. It was never "doctor! mechanic! costume designer!" nope, nothing. I just wanted to...I had no idea. Something.

Which is why I was such a failure at college, it's hard to get excited about college when you can't figure out what you want to do with it. Or at least it was for me, because in the smaller sense I am goal oriented.

I hate most types of exercise, like aerobics becuase, I don't see the point, besides weight loss, what am I learning. Nothing. What goal is there to achieve. None. No black belt, no levels to pass, no skill to apply to the real world.

Again, I had this problem with colleg, I was pissy about taking classes like personal health, why did I have to take it? Especially when I knew this stuff, and tell me again what the point of taking micro economics is when I'm not going anywhere near a business degree? I'd rather take something that seems fun, like you know, geology.

I saw going to college to learn stuff and learning a job as different things. Which is why I'm in vo tech school. Granted this is how my own weird brain works, but it's my own weird brain.

And my other goals in life, pretty damn simple.

I have no desire to own a house. Zip. I think about owning a house and instead of seeing, well whatever people see when they think of homeownership, all I can see is the responsibility of replacing the gutters, or stove, or the airconditioner, and not being able to afford it. Or trying to pretty up the yard. I kill plants at a record rate.

I don't want to own a car. Not so much because of the expense, but because, well, I don't want to. I don't want to have to drive. I've spent a lot of time having to drive around this stupid town that isn't built with any kind of logic and I don't like that.

So, my goals--I guess you can call them goals---what I want from my life is pretty simple.

A job I don't hate.
An apartment I like.
Living in a city that's bigger than this one and has public transit.
Being able to persue things that interest me.
Having money to do a bit of travelling. Not to exotic places but you know, to cons, to see friends.
Having money to put in savings.

Hopefully, maybe, to be in a relationship. I don't know about marriage, I can't see that far in the future. I mean, hell, my choices in men has been crappy. But I would like to be in at least one more relationship before I die.

My soon to be ex SIL is driven, she's so driven to reach her goal and make money to have a cushion or sustain her lifestyle or whatever her reasons are that she works all the time. She goes to school all the time. She has very little time for fun. Her idea is that you ahve 2 weeks off for vacation and fun in the year and then the other 50 weeks are work and school.

She's several years older than me and that's her life, I think that's always going to be her life and I can't think of a life that is less interesting or fufilling than that.