Collected Thoughts

I hate living with my dad. God, sometimes I don't like him at all. God, I just don't know how long I can stand it here.

Tonight I was watching the Daily Show and he came in and heard the bit about gay marriage and said, vehemently, " of course they shouldn't marry, they're perverts." And then we got into it. Not bad yelling, or even yelling. But I had to listen to him say things and it just hurt me to hear them. I finally said how I felt about what he said in the SF airport. And he said

"Well they are freaks. To me."

You don't call people freaks out loud. God no. Just...

It makes me want to cry. I am cryinging. I hate living in this enviornment. I'm so trapped and I can't talk about anything and I feel like I have to hide everything I like. Can't watch Queer Eye when he's around because I don't want to hear about those "homosexuals". He says it in such a horrible way. We can't talk about politics.

He thinks it's horrible that Homieland Security changed it's policy on registering forgieners. He thinks that everyone from "terroirst" countries should just be assumed to be terrorist.

I can't live like this much longer. I don't know what I'm going to do if I can't get a job right away. Tomorrow at my internship I'll ask if they can help me locate a job. I have to move out. I have to be able to I can't live in this house and constantly stifle who I am.

For awhile I needed a place that was safe for me to deal with major emotional things, but now...god...now...this is starting to be bad for my mental health.