Collected Thoughts

I spent too much clothes shopping today. However, I need clothes and I wanted to break out of my black or khaki on the bottom/colors on top way of dressing. And more variety of color. so I went to lane bryant and tried on things I normally wouldn't touch. Like these
pink multi striped capris I tried them on with a pink top and I don't know how I looked in them because I couldn't look full on at all that color. Maybe it was all that pink.

Instead I got this green striped skirt with a green shell sweater and cardigan. I wish now I'd gotten the blue shell that would have brought out the blue in the skirt and I wouldn't have such a green outfit. but oh well.


I also got a denim knee lenght skirt, a pink sweater, and a layered camisole, and something else.  However I don't have any shoes to go with the green. Or the pink. Or the blue in the skirt.  I did find a pair of neutral colored pointy toe shoes at Payless that will look nice with the khaki pants I bought. These are my first pair of pointy toe shoes -- most don't fit me right. I see the appeal of pointy toes. I'll have to find more.

A year a go (roughly). I was just about to start my job here.

Also, I was much more social and went out and stuff like that. Then I stopped.

Right now I'm feeling very -- hermit ish but I can blame part of that on not taking my med like I should recently. I can so tell it's playing a part because EVERYTHING seems like it's going to be some big ordeal that I will wipe me out. That seems to be my default mode---just from so many years of being wiped out just by doing things like taking a shower or going to the store. So I don't do things.

With the medication it's better then I thinkn - damn! Why'd I think it would be a huge ordeal to go to the library or church or whatever, but I still have to fight against the slugslugslug insticts.

The other thing is that it's taken me longer than I thought to really getting in the groove of 8-5, 5 days a row in a week working. But I'm used to it now. The days are rushing by and I can't believe it's pretty much April. April!!!

Going out, being social, all that is my big weak spot. I just need to find something I can do every week and stick with it and build off that.

I've felt weird and crappy but that's becuase I've missed one of my meds for a few days. Bad me. No biscuit.

I skimmed through a horrible horrible horrible romance novel that went into way much detail about the heroine having sex for the first time and her pain and her hymen and bleeding.

I know it happens but I'd rather not read about it. Of course this story also had the jealous psychotic rival who tried to frame the hero for rape and then tried to kill the heroine.

The whole story reminded me of the type of badfic slash where the woman who might be or has been a romantic interest goes insane when she realizes that her ex boyfriend, friend, ex husband, etc is getting it on with a guy.

Finally got the first dvd for Horatio Hornblower and I'll be watching that today after work. And then maybe I'll try to finish master and Commander (the book) I'm almost finished.

Once more about Terri Schiavo.

If she could in any way communicate someone besides just her family and a few nurses would be able to tell. The hospice would have to know and they would have a legal and moral obligation to make that known. But they haven't. The only people who are saying she can communicate are her family, her lawyer, and a few nurses, one of which has been discredited.

I have got to move from this state.


There are no words to describe how much I hate Jeb Bush. No words. Just boiling rage. I look at him and try not to vomit.

Jeb Bush is now trying to take CUSTODY of Terri Schaivo in an attempt to win favor with the religous right and make himself look like some kind of god. I do not believe for one minute that Jeb actually truly cares what happens to Terri. I do not believe that W cares about Terri as a person. They only want to use her situation for their own political and personal power trips.

It makes me sick.

Once again we have a doctor who claims after watching video, observing Terri and reading medical charts BUT NOT EXAMINING HER say that she's not in a persistive vegetative state. THat's not good medicine. It's insane. It's politics.

I'm truly disgusted and frightened that politicians can just intervene on such personal matters.

In all my computer issues I think I didn't quite finish filing my taxes. I did efile and I started with one company and finished with another (the first wanted info I didn't have). I was pretty damn sure that I got the print this out for your records screen, but I didn't print it out and I can't find an email.

So I have no idea if I filed. I need the money. I haven't checked on an IRS hotline, but I've got to do that today. It would be really stupid if I did everything but press the final button.

I was going a bit crazy at work today and feeling horrid and fat and so I went to look at what the recommended weight for my height is. I'm roughly 5'8" and I have a smallish frame. I mean, I assume I have a smallish frame. The suggested weight is between 126-139 lbs. Medium frame is 136-150lbs. Doesn't sound unreasonable.

Except I've been hovering around and over 230.

TWO HUNDRED THIRTY. No wonder I feel fat and horrible and unattractive and bloated and like a beached whale that can't move.

And let's say a good weight for me is 140. That's NINETY pounds over weight.

How the hell did I let that happen? Actually I know how it happened, I eat and I don't pay attention to portions or size or anything. and I really don't exercise.

I have a physical in a month. There are several things I'm going to ask about and one is maybe seeing a nutrionist, if that would be covered,etc. The other is I'd like to lose 10 lbs before then, but I'd be happy to lose and keep off 5 lbs.

I think the best way for me to do this is look at the Healthy Eating Food Pyramid and start measuring and weighing a lot of my food.

What's the Healthy Eating Pyramid? Well there's a great article here , but it's a smarter way of looking at what we should eat.

The Food Pyramid we all know about recommends 6-11 servings of bread, cereal, rice, and pasta -- without saying if it's whole grain or not. Heck if you go look on a box of Wheat Thins, they claim to be part of a balanced meal because hey! they are in the bread group!
A serving is 1/2 cup of rice/pasta and a slice of bread. That's per day.

Then Fruits and Veggies. Recommended: 3-5 servings Veggies and 2-4 servings of fruit. A serving is 1/2 cup cut veggies and 1 cup leafy veggies.

Further up the pyramid - Dairy 2-3 servings. Right beside that is 2-3 servings of fish, poultry, meat, legumes, eggs, and nuts. They are all crammed in there like they are equal.

Finally, use fats and sweets sparingly.


The Healthy Eating Pyramid starts with this base: Daily excerise and weight control.

Next level is shared by Whole Grain Foods (at most meals) and plant oils. Whole grains are whole wheat, corn, oatmeal,etc. They don't give a serving suggestion but I'd go with 1 serving.

Next is Vegetables in Abundance and Fruits 2-3 times a day. So, all the veggies you can eat and a little fruit. This sounds more reasonable.

Then Nuts and Legumes. They get their own slice of the pyramid and have been split off with all the meat and eggs. The recommendation is for 1-3 servings a day. This includes all nuts, beans and soy.

Fish, poultry, and eggs are next. 0-2 times a day (again I assume they mean servings). Zero is the starting suggestion.

This brings us to Dairy or Calcium supplements. 1-2/day. Dairy is totally optional here. The explination is basically - dairy has lots of fat and supplements don't.

At the very tip of the pyramid red meat and butter share the space with white rice, pasta, bread, potatoes and sweets and they are to be used sparingly. As in not every day.

They also suggest alcohol in moderation and a multivitamin.

Pick a calcium supplement over dairy, decide to go with the zero suggestion for eggs and poultry and fish and skip the "sparingly" stuff and you have a vegan diet.

So I'm going to try this. I'm sure I'll be shocked to see the difference between the correct portion and what I eat.

The first two times I took this I scored as Islam. Switch a few things from sort of disagree to sort of agree and now I'm Christian.

I still think I was throwing it off by agreeing with statements like "God existance cannot be proven" and the strongest spiritual connection I feel is in nature. I've had really great moments where I feel truly connected with God.

Watched more of Deadwood last night. Got distracted and I have to go back and watch the last episode on the disc.

I checked my Netflix queue to see when I get the next one, I'm dying to know what the new girl and boy are up to.

Sol is kind a cute being all starry eyed over Trixie, I wish there was some way she could get out from under Al but it doesn't seem like there was a way.


I figured out what the Indian who attacked Seth was doing, I'm thinking I was supposed to, I think had the scene been in a different show the Indian and Seth would have found a way to communicate and avert the killing.

More thoughts later.