Collected Thoughts

I read this blog, it started because I thought it had good personal finance advice. Then I started reading other PF blogs and realized that I read it more because it's a trainwreck.

Today's post - about product placement and how logos are shown during emotional moments to link the emotion with the brand.  And that it can jar someone out of a well crafted movie. I agree with that.

But the "well crafted movie"  -- is Transformers!

And the last time he had a post about some financial matter almost every single comment was telling him he was wrong with proof to back up how he was wrong and possibly giving advice that is illegal in some states.

I am trying to get in shape. I am really really out of shape and my heaviest weight - around 254 lbs. I'm getting the least amount of exercise of any in my life.

I joined WW but I've been slacking off and I need to get back at it, I'm trying to combine Clean Eating stuff with WW and use the menu planner in the CE Magazine to help me get on track, it usually translates to fewer points than I need, so then I can add things in.

Exercise is the big thing, but today I did one of the Biggest Loser Wii game exercises nothing to strenous, before I started working at my current job I could have done it easily but not now.

At my other job there was the long walk to and from the car to the office, plus getting up and walking around during the day AND going up and down stairs.

Now there's a short walk across the parking lot, and I sit at my desk except for my 2 breaks and lunch. I could use one of the breaks to walk down the street and back which I need to start doing.

I hate feeling like this and I hate looking like this.

My family did Xmas last weekend because E had to be with his Mom this weekend. But Dad held back a present for me and so we exchanged gifts a few gifts yesterday.

He gave me the soundtrack to Rocky and Rocky 2. With a slip of paper with the lyrics typed on it and I didn't get it at first.

Then he told me that for  so long with my struggles with bipolar disorder and ADD I've been like the baby bird trying to be strong enough to fly out of the nest  (this was something that a therapist used to explain it) and at times I thought I was ready but I wasn't and now I am. Getting ready to move to Vermont and take that big step.

And so he thought of this as being my theme song.

The lyrics are:

Trying hard now
it's so hard now
trying hard now

Getting stronger
it won't be longer
getting strong now

Gonna Fly now
flying high now
gonna fly, fly fly


I can't even explain how good this makes me feel and knowing his proud of me -- I knew he was -- but this is just really awesome .

My bro and nephew have been here and it's been great. Tomorrow they are going to see my aunt and Grandma E. I'm not going.

I'm just at my limit of stimulation. And I'm sleep deprived which just lowers my ability to handle things. Between work, shopping for Xmas presents, and going out to spend time with them at my dad's I'm totally at my limit.

Yesterday I didn't go see them, but I went to 4 stores and made a dessert for the holiday luncheon (that didn't get eaten so I shouldn't have bothered) and so I wasn't able to recharge the way I needed to.

Plus I'm off my strattera (going back on it starting tonight) so that's hindering things.

There's all these constant distractions and noise and people to interact with and I just want three or four hours where I'm picking what I'm intereacting with.

Like tomorrow I might be okay listening to Pandora and playing Warcraft but that would be something I've picked and I can end. Rather than being around 5 other adults and a toddler and all that entails.

It doesn't make me a bad person, just me and I need to go with it.

So, I didn't eat all that super healthy. But I lost 1 lb so that's good.


Which is pretty much all I have to say about that.

Work is okay I guess, I need to get a bunch of stuff done, there's stuff that's going on that's frustating but I keep telling myself only a few more months and then I'll be gone! yay.

Honestly my life has been rather boring and I haven' thad that much to say. Oh well my nephew and bro will be here today or tomorrow for another week so that will be nice, I get to be Lala with the Big E and hear him say Luff Luff (which means I love you).

I think the fridge is dying.  Everything started to get frozen, so I adjusted it. Now things aren't getting cold enough. I haven't made myself sick yet but I went through and got rid of everything that had been in there for a week. Just in case.

I turned it all the way to the coldest setting and I'll see how it is in the morning.  I helped Mom replace the stove but I don't have the money to help with the fridge. Or, well I do, but that' s money I'm saving for the move.

Last weekend my brother came down and brought my nephew E. Who is the cutest best little boy ever. Seriously.

It was a lot of fun to see him and play with him. Even though I was like, 4th choice after Deeda (what he calls my brother), Baba (what he calls my dad) and Nina (what he calls Mom). But he did play with me and give me "puppy dog" kisses and have hugs for Ala (that would be what he calls me).

Mom kinda corrects him with "Daddy" and "Ali" but my brother and I both agree we like the names E has bestowed on us.

This week Wil (SecondLifeNowRealLifeBoyfriend)will be here. YAY. omigod I have a ton to do.

Plus my face is broken out.

And I stupidly overdrafted my account. I'll get paid at midnight if not sooner. I gotta get my money under control. esp if I'm going to Move to vermont to be with Wil in 5 months.

and I missed last week's supernatural and I will proably miss this week's as well.

Mom's here visiting. Because the Guest Room has been turned into the Get it Out! Get it out! Garage Sale holding room she has to sleep on the couch (which is really comfy).

It's downstairs.

Today she told me she could hear me snoring. Not a lot, just some.

That's pretty loud.

And I slept like crap last night, I woke up feeling wiped out...of course I didn't go to sleep until after midnight. But with all the people I've been reading about lately getting sleep studies (Dan, a Second Life friend, a cousin, a friend of my mom's , mom's brother) I'm thinking maybe I need to talk to my doctor about a sleep study.

On the other hand I pretty much remember at least one dream I have every night. Although there are nights when I wake up feeling exhausted because of the vivid dreams I have.

I even have dream "reruns" although not as much as I used it. When I was little I had several recurring night mares that gradually got less scary because I became so familiar with them....actually I can still remember some of them.

On top of everything else this weekend I ate somethings without thinking that have caused a minor IC flare. But the stress of today didn't help and now I'm wide awake and in pain, I took something but that was almost 2 hours ago and no relief. Even ice packs don't help.

I'm contemplating calling in tomorrow sick. I hate to do it, but...if I don't get any sleep tonight I might not have a choice.

I still have dreamwidth codes if anyone needs them