Collected Thoughts

Black Friday is coming and I'll be working.

Also on Thanksgiving. We don't get paid for the holidays, instead we get Personal Days we can take off. Which is nice but I miss the extra money. When I worked at Best Buy they were VERY free with the overtime AND we got holiday pay.  So the pay was really good during Christmas.

So I will be working 3:30 pm to 1 am Thanksgiving . 1 pm to 10:30 pm on Friday and 9:30 am to 5 or 6 on Saturday. Not looking forward to it but I do have Sunday and Monday off that week. We aren't shorthanded exactly but almost everyone in my department (or my sub department I guess) is relatively new.  We had several people quit before the holidays. For Full time there is me and a brand specialist. And part itme we have 4 or 5 part time people with experience (but for most of them it's a second job so they have more limited hours) and then a flock of seasonal people , most are in high school or just out of high school and boys. It's very weird. I am getting called Ma'am a lot.

The one woman who is close to my age I don't care for , there is something about her I just...find off putting.

 Christmas is going to be basic this year, much more than last because M isn't working. BUT We had a fantastic Black Friday "leak" price on some candles. And we had double discount this weekend so I bought up a LOAD of candles and some face mask sheets and fuzzy socks (although not quite enough). So for all the people I know who would like htem (in my family it would be the women) we are going to be making up little gift bags (or two depending on the size of the "main" present) . Each person will get a candle, a pair of fuzzy socks, a face mask sheet (or 2) and then something else small, like a nice lip balm maybe? And then the "main" gift. Mom said she didn't want anyth8ing but  then had told me she wanted Amazing Grace lotion so she is getting those things and the lotion. For M's sister in law we found some earrings so that is her "main" thing. And then after that I'm kind of stumped.

I'm also going to bake a bunch of stuff and I should have started already and stuffed the freezer but I haven't .    I need to decide what I am goin got make. Lemon Bars - yes, ( a lot as they were very popular 2 years ago), some kind of cookies, and maybe that's all.  I need to get some disospable tins to bake the lemon bars (to expedite the baking) and some tins. Dollar General had some nice ones so I'm planning to buy a few at time. They have cute little boxes so maybe instead of gift bags I'll do the small boxes that can be reusd (although they are holiday themed).

I don't know what to do for the guys. 

I hope everyone likes what we do but there isn't enough to do more than that especially since I don't know sizes etc. So I hope that most people understand. It's also a little odd because every Sunday my boyfriend goes to his brother's house and has sunday meal --it's super casual (today was sandwiches and chips) and I go when I'm off. But his SIL's best friend's family is usually there so I don't know if I should get something for them too...but then that's a lot . I'm going to bake them something and throw that in, it seems like a compromise.

Oh God I'm committed to a lot of baking and I really should be starting NOW but I'll do some prep idea. I checked out a Cookie cookbook from the library and there are some very nice ideas, including some that use cake mixes as a short cut.

Also I got some money so for my Xmas present to myself I'm getting a new phone, an unlocked one and I've been debating. I would love a Samsung Note but it is so far out of my price range. I'm going to get a Pixel 3a. I don't have the money quite in my account (waiting fora check to clear) and the Pixel 3a is on sale at the Black Friday price now. I hope I can get it ordered tomorrow. I 'm a bit worried about the battery life but the other phone in a similiar price range is the Moto G7 and from what I've been reading the Pixel 3a slightly edges out the Moto.  My old phone runs through a battery charge like crazy and every few weeks it starts rejecting chargers and telling me to use the one it came with for a faster charge and sometimes if I change things around it will start working again. I don't know. But M is going to get that phone he is fine with the battery issues. He has a really cheap pay as you go phone that he damaged right after he got and He PAID for the protection plan but hasn't used it .  I feel slightly bad about not buying him a phone as well but he said he would be fine with my old one.

I signed up for Disney + and used a different email address than my Hulu account because I didn't know you could bundle and now I have to figure out how to bundle it but I have to call customer service , I think, to cancel the account and the wait time is extremely long. If I can't figure out how to bundle it then I'm going to drop something. Maybe Amazon Prime as we don't use it much. Althought maybe I'll drop Diseny until more Marvel things are added.  

Currently watching The Good Place  and I'm both sad that it is ending but glad it is a planned end before the show starts to have issues. If there is not a happy ending for Team Cockroach I am going to be so mad.

Also watching Stumptown and am enjoying it although it has some issues. I do like the way they are fleshing out the secondary characters and I'm good with how they are portraying Ansel. He used people's perceptions about to his advantage and got to be upset/angry AND his feelings were validated. 



 

I liked Stumptown. I like Colbie Smulders and always want more Hill in the Marvel moves.  The show feels fresh but also feels familiar.  It's the vet with a past and a troubled life who starts investigating on their own trying to do the right thing in between too much drinking and too many one night stands. It kind of gives me a Mangum PI vibe.  (maybe a little Jessica Jones)And the story could be told with a man but it doesn't feel gender swapped (I guess it's based on a graphic novel) I would love to see fic and vids of this so I hope the show catches on.

 Mom was an incredibly frustrating patient. She is doing great post stroke but she is trying to do too much. She doesn't want to be out of control and she doesn't want to give up ANYTHING at all  so she is driving.  Hey, the doctor said she could. It doesn't matter that if she loses concentration she  pulls to the left.  She is sitll going to drive. 

She was even talking about driving to my brother's in VA for Halloween. No way. I told her. But she said "I want to see the fall leaves".  So she may actually , in fact, decide that flying is just too much of a hassle so she will drive. And then she may get in a car accident and there is not a damn thing we can do because she wants it so she is going to do it. 

However I have watched the new Good Place and I am happy. I haven't watched anything else really. 

I did get my vacation at the beach where I realized I'm a lot more like Mom than I want to be. My brother says she is all about herself and what she wants and if you try to stop her she gets upsets and pouts or is emotional. I tried to defend her but then I realized OH MY GOD. Yes. I have done a bunch of stuff Mom's way because it was fucking easier than setting boundaries.  Also she is such a control freak over doing certain things she unintentionally sent me the message that I am not capable.

Because it would go like - I try to /want to do something. Mom: No let me  that's too heavy/too complicated/too much for you , I'll do  it. So then I didn't push back because if I did it would be a thing so I just stopped trying to do stuff and let mom do things until it got freaking ridiculous where my 70 ish year old mother is still telling me not to do stuff because it's too heavy, too hard, too much and she'll do it. I also realized that if she needs extensive care it is not going to be with me providing it at home.  I do not want to use up whatever spoons I will end up having after work to try and deal with it. I was so fed up with arguing over whether she should drive , stop PT, etc that I just wanted to pack up and go home and leave it all to her. 

I made this recipe
https://thegirlonbloor.com/easy-30-minute-zucchini-pizza-boats/

I didn't watch the video before I made it so I didn't scoop out enough of the zucchini. The end result was bland slightly undercooked zucchini with tasty toppings.  I did salt and pepper the zucchini just not enough. I also didn't use enough sauce and it came out watery. But looking at her video I can tell her zucchini was a little under cooked.

I'm going to make this again but next time I'm going to - salt and pepper the zucchini and roast it for about 5 minutes. Saute the peppers, onions, and mushrooms so moisture is released and add more sauce and a little bit of red pepper flake at the end. But overall it was tasty and didn't take too long. I wish I had some kind of side to go with it.

I'm trying to eat healthier because I need to lose weight and my current diet sucks. I run into issues trying to follow meal plans I find online because there are so many things I don't/can't eat. Also I'm not cooking as much with my current work schedule. Matthew is taking over some of that so I have to find things he feels comfortable cooking.  So tonight we had pizza boats. Tomorrow I think he is making tuna noodle casserole. Not healthy but I'll make a big salad and try to make the salad my main course and the casserole more the side dish.  And then I have Sun and Monday off and after that I'm working 10 days straight for my lead up to my vacation.

Also need to exercise but my foot has been bothering me.  I need to find a GP and start going to them and ask about my foot and see if it's more than just wearing bad shoes too much causing plantar faciatis . And it's been hard to exercise because I'm tired and my feet hurt. I've been doing a tiny bit of yoga. Which is more for my flexibility. I am going to try to add in some beginner pilates. It's the only thing I can think of that won't bother my foot. oh I actually found a seated cardio work out online that looks like it would be something I could do - not too easy but no impact on my foot. Okay I'll start adding that in sometime.

 We've been trying to cut down on our food spending and have done a pretty good job. I'm still eating out at work a little bit too much BUT over all we aren't burning through money. With M only getting his VA money we are also down money.  

Even though it's the 2 o f us (well sometimes I'm cooking for his mom as well) we went to Costco to stock up on meats and toilet paper and other things.  We won't need toilet paper for a few months. The perishables we bought , some of them perished before they were eaten . But the meat and butter were good buys. It's gotten a little repetitious but not too bad. I had been hoping to buy some other meat to have and work in and then save some of the frozen stuff so then the next month we would add to the variety. I don't think we will go to Costco in Sept. We  still have a lot of meat in the freezer and I want to switch to making more dishes that are less meat centric to help stretch the budget etc.

I was thinking of trying Misfit Market but I haven't done that and I think I'll wait until October. I know I should do meal planning but I'm not very good at that thing, I change my mind about what I want to eat.  M is cooking more and that is nice. Although I need to bump up our veggie intake and lower the calories. I want to bake bread. I know how and I haven't in a long time but I feel, overwhelmed for some reason when I do think about it.  Well I do need to clean off counter space to knead the bread. But I'm not too mad at myself.  I've made cookies 2x. I have frozen fruit I bought and haven't used and some Jello. I can make a dessert of some kind. Not a veggie. We have some frozen broccoli so it will be Beef and Broccoli stir fry. I wish I had some cilantro but I have frozen ginger and lime and that might be nice.

Tonight we had bacon and fried egg sandwiches with sweet potato tots. I think the only veggies we have left are: mini sweet peppers, one zucchini, frozen broccoli, and some canned veggies. I don't have milk. We don't drink a lot of milk so it tends to go bad. and of course recently I wanted to make a casserole with a bechamel and had no milk. 

 I watched Baywatch the movie last night. It's been on Prime and I keep seeing it and I thought why not. I really enjoyed it. Not sure I'm going to say I loved it but it was entertaining. I don't know how much of what I liked was  intentional and how much was unintentional but I would rewatch it. I know it's a bad movie and I went into it expecting that but it was so gleefully a bad movie.  

 I'm not really fannish anymore. There aren't any tv shows I just have to watch and can't miss.   Legends of Tomorrow is something I try to watch before the season is over. And American Ninja Warrior but that doesn't count. And I don't really talk about LoT because I wasn't.

Plus I've really isolated myself online and , I guess IRL so I haven't reached out.

And when I do find something I want to discuss or read fic about or whatever there isn't much out there. Right now I'm really into various Ilona Andrews books. I read all the Kate Daniels books and just finished  The Edge novels. 

The Edge ones I really want to read more stories about certain things. I didn't like them as well as Kate Daniels, it's a different type of series. I liked the world building but each book focuses on a different couple -- how they come together etc-- and while they are entertwined there isn't enough time spent.  The last one, Steel's Edge was my least favorite in terms of the main couple but had a lot of cool stuff with the secondary characters.  Part of the problem with the series is it's a bit repetitive in terms of concept.  There's the women and then there's the men, and they meet and there is some will they/won't they (when they most obviously will) and doubt about how the other feels and then it's resolved and they get married. Oh and there is misunderstandings of some kind. There is other stuff in between but by the fourth book I was kinda just wishing to go back to revisit the others.

Plus I couldn't really get into Catherine or Richard.  They were kind of ... boring. Maybe not boring but . predictable? I'm not sure but I mostly skipped over their relationship to get to the action. 
 
I like the world of the Broken and I want to know more but there isn't much else. Except another series that as some of the characters guest starring so I have that  on Interlibary Loan request at the library.

I wish I could get excited about a tv show again but I just.. I can't. I try but then  I don't know. I didn't watch Game of Thrones in part I don't have HBO but then I did watch the first episode and I couldn't help  comparing it to the series. I just want to find a show that just sparks something but so far nothing like that. 

This was the first week or most of the week living with the BF. The commute sucks. But I do have enough energy to cook. The BF had dinner ready one night (frozen pizza and salad) and we ate out one night.

Tonight I made boneless country ribs in the hair fryer. We tried this new Maple bbq sauce and I didnt really like it. I think it would be ok with mustard based or spicy and I made veggies and the rest of the salad.

I'm still trying to figure out where to put things. He didn't have much so there is space I'm just trying to organize.

He warned me he is going to be broke for a while. His car needs to be fixed and it's...I don't know how much. And after this is done it needs more work. Honestly I think it would have been better for him to save up some of his VA benefits and jut bought something. But this was his dad's car so he will fix it.


We are watching SG1 . We just finished the Nox episode.

I got a library card here. Yay library. I'm trying to listen to audiobooks for my commute. I discovered the library has lots of Doctor Who so I listened to one.

Then I tried Anna Pigeon books by Nevada Barr. I'd read some of them but when I listened to the book I was surprised because I didn't really like it. I checked out the ebook version and skimmed through and realized it's mostly the narrator I don't like. And she reads the whole series. So that is off the list.

I'm having a mild freak out over my future and how I'll never be able to stop working and I'll be poor forever. I'm middle age I shouldn't be where I am and I know I'm here because of disabilities but it still is frustrating. The department store I work for does 401k matching and I can't afford to contribute anything because the insurance is so expensive. I am looking for another job but the office jobs are all...they want people who can do payroll or it's medical related or some other things I know will be an issue.

I also found out at least 2 of the seasonal people make a dollar more an hour than I do. I'm hoping to have a review soon and get a raise but I think since they know I'm moving/have moved and actively looking they won't.

This job had had intangible benefits with my self esteem so there is that.


I've moved in with the BF. Well partially. It's a work in progress. And neither of us makes a lot of money and the house we live needs work. It's his mom's, and it's been in probate...so it's only officially been his mom's since last month. It's needed work for while and the whole reason why it hasn't been repaired is complicated. But his mom is only disability so she can't pay for repairs. It needs massive amounts of plumbing work. I'm worried. And he doesn't seem to be as worried.


Which makes me wonder if moving in together is a good idea or been having a relationship.

I need to stop freaking out.

I have felt like crap and have congestion and mild wheezing. Left work early yesterday and stayed home today thinking the weather would be bad so might as well. Weather was fine.

I kept hearing water drizzling and thinking it was raining and was feeling like fuck if the roads are iced over it's another day missed.


The sound is the humidifier going... I'm an idiot. But I can go to work tomorrow where we probably wont be that busy because it will be cold. For here. Not like other places.

I did nothing today except read SGA and Psych fanfic . And also some other fanfic.


This was supposed to be my first week living with M and driving back and forth but I stayed here at Mom's because I was supposed to be at work early. Stayed tonight because it is supposed to be cold and she asked me to stay to run water and check the pipes although I don't think it will get cold enough for them to freeze and Thursday I see the shrink at 8:30 am so I'm staying here tomorrow night.

Mom's out of town and will be back Friday. I wanted to get furniture moved but M's car is in the shop until next week and we need to take Scrappy to get shots and neutered Sat morning at the clinic. Duchess needs to get spayed but one cat at a time .

Penny (my cat) isn't moving in until Scrappy adjusts to me and stops hiding during the day. And then we will be a 3 cat household.